I have always loved writing and creating; it comes quite naturally to me. I cannot exactly pinpoint my style but I consciously desire the essence to be inspiring, cozy, warm, reflective and intuitive. It would be great if I start a weekly series of personal reflections. My creative bone has been hyperactive lately, and I need a beautiful outlet for all that I feel called to express. Let’s see how this goes.

I was just sipping on my tea the other day(my comfort time) and contemplating the importance of a healthy community. Certain situations were triggered in my life around this solar eclipse, and they brought forth my deeply-seated issues, requirements from relationships in my life, and how I want to move forward with some toxic people.

I allowed myself to really sit and process why I was so triggered by a particular incident, and what needed to be healed within me. My annoyance was not in response to that singular instance, but it was probably an accumulation of multiple previous similar incidents that I had chosen to gloss over, but it was only recently that the issue culminated, and I could no longer avoid taking a firm action on it.

Every place where our feathers are ruffled gives us an opportunity to bring more light in, and step even deeper in our true selves.

Our true self is full of love, compassion, peace and humility. But do these emotions mean one has to tolerate even unfriendly situations? What exactly does tolerance mean? Does it mean numbing down one’s own voice even when faced with an unfavorable condition? 

In Bhagavad Gita, ShyamSundar asks one to remain equanimous no matter what the circumstance- good or bad. But does equanimity mean one has to remain inactive when one really needs to set boundaries and speak up?

The way I interpret it is that one should perform the necessary action, while cultivating the mind of a yogi(in my case, bhakti yogi). The tolerance and tranquility should be internal, while surrendering our external actions to the Lord. Sometimes those actions and decisions might appear harsh outwardly, but they carry compassion at the core- for oneself as well as the others.

My simplest motto on spiritual path has been to steer clear of people who are either indifferent or inimical towards Madhavji. I do not care enough to change anyone’s internal opinions and beliefs towards Him. He is the Swami of everyone. He owns every single thing that we lay our eyes on. Will someone’s favor(or lack of it) change anything for Him? He is ‘karunanidhi’and ‘bhakta-vatsala’. All He requires from a devotee is suddha-prema. What else can one give Him, who already has everything? Someone’s raaga or dvesha doesn’t affect Him, because He is the most powerful, and also an “AatmaRam”. Therefore, I also remain distant from people who don’t have a taste for Him.

I feel it is wise to detach oneself from toxic people and situations when the need arises, be aloof towards them and continue on one’s journey. This is still a form of compassion, because no ill intentions are being harbored. It’s a clean dissociation from what no longer nourishes the heart.

People who are deeply immersed in their material entrapments can many times project their behaviour and expectations on spiritual seekers.They would intend that the seeker act in a way which pleases their maya-bound perception of the world. I think it’s proper to answer back in situations where we are being taken advantage of, but this should be done from a place of resilient spiritual grounds, not from disgruntled ego. 

Many times I have gone along with these hopeless obligations just to maintain the external harmony, but in exchange my spiritual values felt violated.

For me, it always comes down to maintaining internal peace. I dislike unproductive confrontations and petty conflicts. I thrive more where people voice out their opinions and wisdom, but with gentleness and empathy.  Forcing one’s belief system over me, mixed with a huge block of false pride, is unacceptable. Everyone should have the capacity to harmoniously listen to each other, and understand that each one of us is different.  However realistically, the majority of them lack this ability. And that’s why the ego struggles arise.

This is the reason I feel that it’s best to be completely detached from people who don’t nourish our inner world, and instead suck our energy away. One must cultivate good energetic hygiene for their own sake. I have a long way to improve in my life, and I am a constant human being in progress. I prefer being in solitude because it gives me the space to nurture my hypersensitivity. I am extremely sensitive to sounds, lights, energy, words, thoughts, etc.

And even when I don’t want to, I can end up being overstimulated amidst loud voices, distasteful conversations, unhinged crass music, egoistic, dominating energies, etc. I can try to hold my own ground in the middle of it but it can surely be exhausting. It’s because I don’t gain any sustenance from such an environment,  but instead I get pressured to be something I am not. 

I realized lately about how much I had shrunk myself in the past, to fit in such situations, so that others don’t feel uncomfortable just because I prefer silence over their choice of constant noise and chaos. I realized I would laugh and smile even when I didn’t want to; I would speak even when I preferred quietude, all so that they could feel relaxed around me, as if I don’t deserve to be myself. I was constantly hiding my true self and pulling on a mask to satisfy others. And despite doing all that, people had complaints about me.

At the end, I discerned that I am not responsible for coddling people’s fragile ego and emotions. I am all open when someone wants to have loving, authentic connection with me. And even if they might have hurt me in the past, I still hold space for people when they approach me with sincerity and affection. But I do not wish to entertain unhealthy connections where I Iet others be whoever they want to be, but shrink myself instead to accommodate their likes and interests.  

I recognize that I need to silently embrace my true self without making a big show of it, and also say ‘no’ when the situation calls for it. I don’t have to laugh, talk or do anything that goes against my inner svabhava. I am tired of putting on a show. 

I have to accept completely who I am, in alignment with my spiritual values, and show that through behavior slowly and wisely.

I do not crave unmeaningful connections with people. Every single connection should add something to my path of bhakti, even if it’s a small fraction, and it should serve as an encouragement to improve my seva for my Lord. If the above condition isn’t fulfilled, I have absolutely no need for inauthentic community in my life. My soul community is wherever I find reassurance on my path of bhakti, because that is the only purpose I live for. I no longer have mundane desires or goals. I want to constantly create but the creation should be from my heart, as an offering to Shri Krishna, for He is my Swami.

I have never found myself fitting in a conventional box. But I feel this unconventional approach to everything in my life is for a good reason. May my Swami lead me to those people and places only, who are truly meant to guide and lead me towards Him. May He mindfully keep me away from people who no longer are good for my service to Him. May I constantly be at peace, no matter what the situations arise, realizing that everything is His ‘charnāmrit’ and I should not worry myself over trivial obstacles in life.

A healthy community is deeply fulfilling.  I realize its value and that’s why I choose to be alone till He leads me to my people, who are eventually His (if you know, you know). Jai Shri Krishna!