I lost my creative mojo for a while, and if I pinpoint, it had been for almost an year.

I did not feel the urge to paint or do anything, and for most of the time, I used to procrastinate whenever I had an idea.

I did not know why exactly I was creating, and it felt like I had forgotten something intrinsic to me.

The external world didn’t seem like an exact fit for what my heart was seeking. I was running away from an acceptance that it was time to change, and completely surrender myself to Krsna, in a more meaningful, intentional manner.

What had I forgotten?

Why was there so much agitation?

What was that void space in my heart, and why was I feeling a lack of purpose and spark in my creation? How could I rekindle it?

Whenever I face inner turmoil, it always pushes me to search for my sacred sanctuary in the heart space, which is quiet, still, peaceful and untouched by any external influence. And that place is where my creative magic takes place.

To create something sacred, one needs to mindfully and purposefully take every step, pouring love at every step of the process, and recognizing that the process is equally important, maybe even more important than the end result. When the wind is unbridled and moving in all directions without clarity, all it causes is chaos, dryness and exasperation. However, when the wind is clear, moving towards a goal with stillness, it produces a cool breeze to anyone who experiences it. The same is applicable to creativity.

We live in a world where we are constantly influenced by social media to pump out results and be amazing at our craft. Even though we may not do something to post on social media, still if we have the tendencies of perfectionism, we can easily overload our senses, and become overwhelmed by what we have to create in the future, and then end up doing nothing at all. The self-inflicted pressure to be flawless even at the stage of learning a skill, can be stifling, and hamper the natural flow of vision and artistry.

One step at a time!

Nothing gets created by simply daydreaming about millions of ideas. Daydreaming feels easier because in our mind, the output appears perfect, and there are less chances of making any mistakes. But sooner or later, a small, first step has to be taken to create something in the material world.

Clarity is important to figure out what inspires us, and why. Also, doing too many things at once results in neither of them being good. Patience with the whole process is essential, and being gentle with ourselves while we are still in the stage of learning gives us room to sincerely improve. The magic always lies inside, but to bring that mindfully outside in our creativity requires us to get in touch with our hearts, and tap into that pure space which is divine and surrendered.

I realized recently that the reason I have been given the gift of creativity and cooking, is to serve Krsna in every way through these skills. And honestly, I never feel that I’m good at anything; I constantly criticize and over-analyze my skills. However, I wish to improve only to please Him, so that He enjoys whatever I create for Him. It should be nourishment for Him, and then from His heart, the love should flow to me.

Love is what creates beautiful things. Absence of love during the visionary process can leave the core hollow, devoid of sincerity, love and warmth. When we treat the gift as a medium to merely showcase our expertise and excellence, it doesn’t reach Krsna. But when we create even one thing with all our heart and soul, with complete attention to that particular seva we are doing, He happily accepts it, and the joy is even present in the prasaad. 

I want to romanticize every aspect of my life, where I do not allow myself to be swayed by anything that’s distracting and overwhelming. I need to admit this to myself more than I realise- about my sensitivity to outside forces. That’s why I live like a hermit because it allows me to introspect, and get in touch with what’s precious to me. 

P.S. I have been deeply saddened and shocked at the clutches of kaliyug spreading its roots everywhere in the world, causing problems for the devotees of the Lord. The world no longer feels like home. I observe the demons in people’s intelligence showing horrible faces. The supposedly protectors have become aggressors, and have been mercilessly inflicting pain. My heart pains for the world, for humanity, and I can simply pray for the safety of everyone.

When I read/hear about such instances, all I feel like is retreating more into my hermit-like stage, completely cut off from the world, and probably escaping to my inner vision of Dwarka, to be with my Lord peacefully. It’s a very vulnerable thing to say, but I’ve always envisioned myself to disappear into Shyamsundar’s vigraha just like Meera did. I wish to leave the mortal body peacefully when the time comes and my Lord calls me over to His side. 

However, I’m not yet perfect in my bhakti and seva. I need to be more sincere if I wish to attain this ending. I desire my heart to constantly reside in Dwarka with Thakurji, in the similar mood of Rukminiji and Satyabhamaji. I have a long way to go.

I wish to be immersed in my seva and give joy to Krsna with all that I do. 

Probably, the sinister affairs of the Kaliyug-bound world is making me more detached and weary, and I think it’s a good change. This aloofness would help me in carrying one-pointed devotion to my Lord.

Jai Sri Krsna! I don’t have anything else to say currently. May my Lord protect everyone!